December 26, 2007

Male Nurse

I have crossed one more profession off my “what would you be if you had it all to do over” list: nurse.

You know about the severe nursing shortage in this country. It could be remedied easily by an influx of young males. But male nurses make up only about six percent of all nurses. Expensive studies have been done to determine exactly why males do not go into nursing. I could have saved them a lot of money. I know why. I learned when my wife was sick recently.

Males do not possess sufficient sympathy genes. It’s not that we don’t have any sympathy. When my wife gets sick I am very sympathetic for 24 hours, but then the genes wear out. They get tired. We just don’t have staying power when it comes to sympathy.

We get distracted easily and get off mission, especially if it is not our own mission. I can be providing the very best of nursing care when some very important game comes on the TV. I did not even know that the TV was on. Who knew that Ellen Degeneres would be preempted by some bowl game?

I can only prepare one of each meal: breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have only one tried and true recipe for each.

We get worn out quickly. Do you know how much work there is to be done in a household? As a modern male I share the work load at home – and my share is about twenty percent – or less. You mean I have to fill up the dishwasher and empty it later on? Both? I have to clean up after every meal? I actually have to do the laundry and not just put my own stuff away? One hundred percent of the workload is inhuman.

I am not sure how to remedy this situation. It appears to be a natural dilemma of the species. Quicker healing would be good. Robots hold promise. Until then, I have provided my wife with a male nurse action hero. He will spring into action on day 2. I hope that he is more useful than I am.


Anonymous said...

Why would a wife get sick in the first place? That's the question you should be pondering.

Jim Hession said...


How soon they forget. When or if you are ever married you will find out.