February 13, 2008


First, I want to give you lots of reasons why I have not blogged for awhile. I have lots of them, but none of them are particularly valid. The truth is my Inner Blogger went on a two week vacation without prior notification. He is now back and has been spoken to. He is now sulking in the corner, so I write this without his help.

So I need your help. I need help with a really big question: If I get a tattoo, what should it be?

Please notice that my question is not, should I get a tattoo? I have not yet advanced to that final stage. There are many questions to be answered like, how badly will it hurt? What body part should I disfigure? Will my body part fall off afterward? Is gangrene a long term, chronic illness?

I found a tattoo parlor near my campground. (Why are only tattoos and ice cream linked to the word “parlor?) But I am not sure that this is the right place for me. You can see their sign up above. Don’t you think they have an inherent conflict of interest as a purveyor of tattoos and a remover of tattoos?

My son-in-law suggested that the tattoo removal guy practiced on the building next door. What do you think?

Do they not have confidence that their clients will enjoy their work? Are they to be trusted? My plan is to walk by the place about another hundred times and try to see if any happy customers emerge. I have not seen any customers at all yet.

Now back to the important question of the type of tattoo that I would get if I would theoretically get one. Some of my friends have wonderful tattoos: a dragon, a tiger, and a snake. I don’t want to mimic them and a snake is out anyway. There is nothing that I hate more than snakes.

Animal totems seem to be big. I’m thinking about a wolf: a totem of the teacher that I have always been drawn to. I would get a nice wolf and not a scary one.

Also under consideration is a black poodle in honor of my little dog, Zoe. She made this suggestion.

But I cannot forget my prior dog, Kachina, so a brown poodle is also a possibility. Kachina never liked to be left out of any conversation.

I could always fall back on a standard: a Red Sox logo. Maybe I would add one every time they win the World Stories in the modern era. I would begin with two and leave room for another thirty-five.

Finally, since I am in Florida, some Florida animals should be considered. Alligators are too scary. How about an osprey, a bird of prey? Or one of the pelicans that frequent the campground? No, they are not quite right. The symbol of Florida for me is the Flamingo – so tall, graceful and so pink. Pink would go well with my ivory white skin, if I am ever in the north in the dead of winter again.

So help me choose my hypothetical tattoo by answering the poll to the right. Perhaps your enthusiam will soothe the conscience of my Inner Blogger.