November 15, 2007

Donuts Make Scents

I have been looking for the connection between donuts and sex for a long time now. I intuitively knew there had to be a point of intersection, but my decades long search proved fruitless and stale until now.

My love affair with donuts began at a very young age. The dentist made me do it. Our family dentist, a high school friend of my father, was in Ball Square in Somerville, Massachusetts. Typically we would make the trek on Saturday morning for the torture session (a long and painful story for another day.) The reward for going was a trip across the street to Gail Ann’s Donuts. I can see, smell and taste the jelly donut, and the honey dipped, and the chocolate covered, and the lemon, and the powdered sugar and the cinnamon sugar, and the glazed cruller. My eyes are glazing over as I think about it.

A sugar high cannot be beat. It has helped propel me through most of my life. A couple of years ago friends and I made a pilgrimage to the newly opened Krispy Creme store. I stood in line watching the donuts glide down the conveyer belt to the waterfall of liquid sugar. I can still feel it in my body. I just wanted to jump over the rail and insert my head and mouth under that waterfall. Ohhhhhh boy!

So it came as no surprise to me when the findings were published for a study on the “Various Aromas Found to Enhance Male Sexual Response” by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation of Chicago. The second place winner was a combination of donuts and black licorice. I do not know what the licorice is all about, but I certainly know about the donuts. It just proved what I already knew. Truthfully, it completed my life. Donuts are an aphrodisiac – the poor man’s Viagra.

By the way, the first place winner was a combination of pumpkin pie and lavender. There is historical evidence that proves the accuracy of this finding. Who were the first settlers of America? Pilgrims. What did they eat at the first Thanksgiving? Pumpkin pie. How many Pilgrims were there? Not many. How many Americans are there now? 301,139,947 – I looked it up. How did we get from fewer than 100 to 301,139,947? Pumpkin pie. It could not have been donuts because Dunkin’ Donuts did not begin until 1950.

I am keeping these findings a secret in my house. I want to make sure that my wife still makes her famous Pumpkin Chiffon Pie for the holidays. And I promise not to ruin my Thanksgiving meal by filling up on too many donuts. Maybe.


Anonymous said...

Yahoo, Jim! You're brilliant. I always loved your homilies when you were editor of the Seacoast newsletter. I think I even emailed you once, long ago, with compliments on your funny pen. But that was long before I knew you. Now that I know you, I still think you're funny but even more than that I think you've got a lot of brilliant insight. Hey, why not consider re-publishing the best of your newsletter homilies? My personal favorite is the one about the French Canadian men carping about in their black socks.

BTW, if you're in Montana, check out my favorite town there - White Sulphur Springs. And make sure to visit the only motel there with a hot spring pool. We stayed there 3 summers ago - loved it!

love to you,
Pat (Parisi)

Jim Hession said...

For "the one about the French Canadian men carping about in their black socks, see "Street Smarts" which is archived at July, 2003."

Annie O'Shaughnessy said...

I love donuts too. My favorite is the glazed cruller stick. Second to that is a warm cider donut dipped in sugar cinnamon.

Sadly I cannot eat donuts anymore because I have Celiac disease. But.. it was sure nice to take a walk down the culinary memory lane with you. Thank you!