November 2, 1995

Things I Hate Doing

1. Making my bed. What is the purpose of making a bed when all you are going to do is get into it and mess it up again that very same day?

2. Putting away my pajamas. See above.

3. Making an appointment for a haircut. This is not a big enough event in my life to require an appointment. I have tried to support the barber in my town, but she is now so busy that you need to make an appointment. So I have gone back to my old walk-in barber. She is cheaper and the hair always grows back anyway.

4. Getting a haircut. Isn’t it stupid to pay someone money to cut something off your head? Think about it. You are not getting anything new. You are only losing something. You are paying money to create trash for the landfill. All of those hair sweepings must go somewhere. And then your taxes go up because your landfill is too full. So make sure that you go to another town to get your hair cut.

5. Buying a toothbrush. Why does anyone buy one when you can always get it for free at the dentist? I go to get my teeth cleaned every six months like I am told to do, and they always give me a new toothbrush. And I can get any color that I want! So why buy? Does your toothbrush wear out within six months? What do you do with it???

6. Picking a color for my toothbrush. I like blue. I have always liked blue. But now I like purple so I have purple. But I miss blue, so the purple is starting to make me sad. But if I go back to blue I will miss the purple and I will lack the variety which is so important to my life. Also, if I change color I may forget which brush is mine and use my wife’s brush by mistake. Because once she put her brush into my hole on the toothbrush holder. My hole is on the right. I am not sure that we have ever discussed this but I know where mine is. It is on the right which is the opposite of the side of the bed which I sleep on, unless you look at the bed from laying down, all of which is another story.

7. Throwing out a sponge. A sponge almost never dies. You have to be doing something radical with it to wear it out. This is especially true if you buy Excello which rhymes with Jell-O which is one of my favorite foods. So the sponge gets chucked because it looks dirty. But what do you use a sponge for? You use it to clean dirt. So sponge and dirt are suppose to go together! Then why is it not OK to have a dirty sponge?

8. Picking up the bottle dish soap. Yuk! It is always so gooey. I hate that slime that penetrates in between my fingers. Oh sure, this all is not true during thet first few days of using a new bottle. There is always the hope that this bottle will be different, but I am always disappointed. And have you looked under the bottle? Wherever you store it is also slimed. And if you do not place it perfectly back in the same place every time, then the whole region will be slimed. I thought I had the solution to this problem. At one point we were using reusable bottles, so when one was empty, I ran it through the dishwasher to deslime it. It worked, but if soap bubbles spilling out of your dishwasher and across the kitchen floor is not your thing, then I would discourage you from repeating my bright idea.

More will be revealed.

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